i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
