So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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