If i come over, it means nothing
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
