That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
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Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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