Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I faked an abortion last night.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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