This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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