Where is the hickey?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
