She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
