You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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