he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
