Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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