took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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