We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
