I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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