I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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