Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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