people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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