I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Edward fifth and chaser hands
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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