peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
