Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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