I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
