proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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