Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
