she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
