I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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