Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he told me I talked like a deaf person
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
