my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
