i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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