just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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