we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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