Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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