I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
