Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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