my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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