weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
