just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
