Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
