I just cut my nipple shaving
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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