I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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