He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We were destined to go to rehab together
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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