I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
