i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
