do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
