I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize