Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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