This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
