she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The power of my boobs compel you
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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