She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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