worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
