So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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