It's like God shit irony all over that family
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
