I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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