I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
