some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize
