You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
