Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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