I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
