I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
