Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
