im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
