My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize